Past
by Enygma001
Summary: Because we can't look forward without looking back, and because we are haunted by our decisions that we never forget. Becuase as time passes we realize that we never took seriously what we once had until its gone. Ishi/Ichi/Ryu Romance/Hurt/Angst/Drama
1. Words

How often we wish for another chance  
>to make a fresh beginning.<br>A chance to blot out our mistakes  
>And change failure into winning.<br>It does not take a new day  
>To make a brand new start,<br>It only takes a deep desire  
>To try with all our heart.<br>To live a little better  
>And to always be forgiving<br>And to add a little sunshine  
>To the world in which we're living.<br>So never give up in despair  
>And think that you are through,<br>For there's always a tomorrow  
>And the hope of starting anew.<p>

~Helen Steiner Rice

* * *

><p>Words<p>

"We're getting married."

After hearing those words I knew that the smile on my face would be nothing more than a façade. My mind completely shut down. I knew that one day everyone would go their own separate way, but I never thought that two of my friends would ever say that to me sitting down in a couch across from me. I wanted to make fun of Ishida for saying that with a straight face while Inoue looked red as a strawberry but the words in my mouth somehow abandoned me and all I could do was give them a gentle smile, even I didn't believe it. But maybe I could make this my new façade, but why did I have to make a façade?

"That's good."

Because really, that was all I could say. I didn't hear Inoue anymore as I fell from the world and waited for both of them to exit my home so I could start making plans to have a full day the day of their… wedding. That word seems so foreign to me, maybe it's because I always knew that I wasn't the type to settle down and live a relaxed life as I watch my kids grow. It's because I have to stay behind to watch over Karakura Town that I never really thought of a future rather than being a Shinigami. It's why I stand by my door as I wave goodbye to my engaged friends that I know that I'm bound here. Because if I don't do it, who will?

Finally, the day of their wedding came and I didn't attend. I didn't leave the house at all and stayed in my dark room all day asleep. I would eventually wake up but then I would close my eyes and wait until I fell back into my world of dreams to start the process all over again until the time had reached midnight. Then I knew that the ceremonies would be over and I could go out and not be bothered by anyone. Ishida and Inoue both told me that after their wedding they were going to move to Tokyo. I didn't know why they would go that far away but at least now I have the town's night all to myself as I dragged myself out of bed and began heading out the door.

I stuffed my hands in my pockets and began reminiscing about the past. How Inoue would stare oddly at me, how Chad always had my back when I needed it, and how Ishida and I would fight over meaningless stuff. I look up into the stars and knew that not even upon all those stars do they know how miserable I feel at the moment. Because Chad is also gone that I know that he will never have my back, because Inoue is gone so she would no longer stare at me, and because Ishida is gone that I would no longer have to argue with him anymore. I stop in front of the river and ask myself, _what do I have left?_ No one answers me. The only answer I could have received that night was the vast darkness and silence.

I begin to walk home and wonder if Ishida and Inoue think I'm a bad friend for ditching them on their most important day of their life. Once I make it back home I come to the realization that I really don't care. Because they abandoned me and that's how I will justify my actions as I hide behind my façade to keep me protected. I will move on and pretend that I never knew Inoue, Ishida and Chad. And I'll just make it my priority to just stay alive even though that inside I'm already dead. The worst part about this whole ordeal is that I _know_ and I don't want to know anymore. I just want to forget.

A little bit after the wedding, I decided to move into my Universities' room. The sight of seeing my sisters sad every time they saw me and the words like _are you okay,_ really started to bother me. Because I knew I was the one that was bringing every one down that the light that was barely left in that house was already beginning to fade away if I stayed any longer.

My roommate was a relaxed and calm guy, we didn't talk that much but we also didn't argue. I liked that, no problems other than my upcoming medical exam and the Hollow hunting's that happen from time to time. But other than that I knew that I was finally moving on, and I planned for it to stay that way. No one would be able to know the façade that I have placed over myself, no one.

Because words have become pointless and actions have become a bother. My words have forever lost the meaning they once held and my actions have begun to lack, but if there was only one word that never did lose meaning it would be the one that I have pledged a vow to myself to always accomplish. Protect.

* * *

><p><strong>This is mostly a point of view from Ichigo as he watches the world around him continue to turn without any day stopping. From realizing what he wants and what he needs and separating those two completely different things from one another. This story will be told from his point of view and don't expect happy chapters so soon. The poem above plays a very strong role in this story as well, so I suggest that you pay attention to it.<strong>

**Please review, and to those who read Rumors, update on that story would be somewhat rare since I really want to work on my other stories, also updates will be somewhat slower since I have exams coming around soon and work tends to take up almost all my time.**

**Feedback on this story would be greatly appreciated since I never done something so angst in my work and wonder if I had a good start. This will be an Ichi/Ishi but the process in the relationship would be quite slow. Also, Ichi/Ryu will also play a role in this.**


	2. Facade

**A/N: New face.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Bleach.**

* * *

><p>Façade<p>

It was the tenth week of university and already I was being called to the principal's office. What did I do? For all I know I haven't done anything wrong while on school ground, maybe outside I did get into a little brawl here and there. Did someone rat me out? Whatever it was, it was never a good thing to go to the principal, of that I'm certain.

I near the office of where I'm supposed to see the principal and knock on his door. I hear him call me in after a couple of seconds and open the door. "You wanted to see me, sir?" being polite with guys like these was always better than just throwing around disrespectful words that could easily get you suspended.

"Ah, yes, come, sit."

I sat in front of his desk and placed my hands in my lap, waiting to know what I was called here for. The man looked at me for a while and then I knew what he called me for. His eyes were kept on one feature of my face and I instantly knew. "Is there a problem?"

He placed his hands on his desk and clasped them together. "Kurosaki-san, you are here to become a doctor, right?"

I nodded my head. "Yes sir."

"Then you must know that the people in the medical field are highly respected, right?"

Again I nodded. "Yes."

The principle looked at my face again and then nudged his head towards my face. "I know that you're a natural redhead, but do you think you can dye your hair so that not many would think that you're disrespecting them with an absurd color."

I wanted to say that I _am_ a natural redhead through and through, but then I remembered that I wasn't supposed to be me anymore. This was the perfect excuse to do something that I wouldn't do if I wasn't told. So, I nodded. "I understand."

The principle then nodded and smiled as he stood up and held his hand out for me to shake. "Thank you; forgive me to call you down with something so absurd like this but the medical field could get a bit feisty."

I shook his hand and then left his office to go back to my classes. But before I could head back to them, I took a quick detour to the restroom to look at myself in the mirror. I looked at myself real good. This was the last time I was ever going to see myself with my reddish hair ever. I gripped my hair in my hand and then I ran it through. _Goodbye._

* * *

><p>When I headed back to my dorm I noticed that my roommate was probably out studying in the library. I sighed and grab a bottle out of my book bag and take a good look at it. With these simple chemicals my hair will be pitch black and I no longer will have the same look I had all those years ago. Because that person died the moment I was left to fend for my own.<p>

I headed to one of the bathrooms that the university had and took the bottle with me. I started the shower and began to remove my clothes. I looked at the bottle and read the instructions, after reading them and after doing everything it said to the letter, I stepped in the shower and began to remove the paint that was on my head. Slowly I saw pitch black color run form the top of my head to the floor of the shower. I closed my eyes and felt as if a part of me was also going down the drain.

When I stepped out of the shower I brushed some stem out of the mirror and felt my breath caught in my throat. Slowly, I reached out a hand and touched the mirror where my hair was reflected. My hair not only lost its natural color but it also seemed to have lost some spikes at it hanged down like a defeated puppet. This wasn't me. This was the façade that I promised to hide behind and I hated it.

* * *

><p>A couple weeks passed and people stopped looking at me. It was probably because I blend in more with the crowd that they lost interest in me. I wasn't sure if I liked that. But today was an interesting day to say the least, everyone got their scores back of their exams and I saw that my grade was somewhat above average. <em>Good.<em> I didn't want to get a high grade but I also didn't want to fail the course. To me, this grade was good enough.

When the bell ringed I was packing up my books and while I was packing them I could hear students whispering. Things like, _did you notice who is outside_, or, _he's the most well known doctor in all of Karakura_. I really didn't care what they were gossiping about or what famous doctor was outside. All I knew was either way, I was probably going to see this _well known doctor_ when I head out there.

I pushed people out of my way so that I could make through the ridiculous crowd of people. Really, was this man that popular that everyone seemed to know him except for me? Does it even matter who he is, I mean he's just a guy, what could be so special about him.

But when I saw him I knew that he wasn't just a guy. No, he was a man that _is_ well respected in the medical field and well _disrespected_ by his son. I stopped short and wondered why the man was here. It almost seemed like he was expecting someone as he leaned on his expensive looking car and took another drag from his cigarette. But then his sapphire eyes made contact with mine and I instantly knew that he _was_ expecting someone. That someone was me.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: You all probably know who the guy is, not much to leave for the imagination there.**

**Please review!**


	3. Promise

**A/N:**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Bleach.**

* * *

><p>Promise<p>

I wanted to walk away and take my gaze away from those beautiful azure eyes that I have seen not only on him but also on _that_ guy. To rip away from all ties is what I wanted to do but seeing the man's eyes peering into my soul I knew that it wouldn't be that easy. I never knew why the intensity of such calculated eyes could ever be able to freeze me on the spot as he walked over to me like he had all day. I felt a lump on my throat as he neared me and I just wanted to bolt from his sight. It was painful to be under such familiar eyes that I didn't even know _why_ it was painful to begin with.

Maybe he's here for another reason. Yeah, I mean, why would he be interested in me? So I decided to shuffle my feet and began to turn and hoped that I wasn't the reason for him being here. But that was blown right out of the window as I felt a hand hold my wrist and begin to drag me away. What the hell? Why is he dragging me to his expensive white looking car? I don't even talk to him let alone pay attention to him like every other student. Why me?

He opened the door and pushed me in the car with such force as if he knew that I would refuse his _generosity_. He walked over to his side of the car, took a final drag from his cigarette and dropped it to the floor as he stepped on it. I wanted to open the door but when he got in he quickly locked it and began his car as he pulled out from the front of the university.

I wrinkled my nose at the smell of cigarette. I never knew why people would get involve with such disgusting habits. He is a doctor so doesn't he know the consequences of smoking. I dared to look over to him from the corner of my eye and saw that he had the same scowl he always has and was paying attention to the road. Hm, it's not like I could ask him why he kidnapped me, he would probably ignore me or retort back some sort of insult. Also, it's not like I expect a straight answer form him so why bother. But I did wonder where he was taking me?

"Where are we going?" I waited a couple of seconds until I figured that he was just going to ignore me.

"… Shouldn't you have asked "why did you kidnap me?" first as one of your question? You have a strange mind to let it jump around like that. But either way, I'm taking you to some place so just sit there and be quiet."

Usually I would be screaming and punching the guy right about now, but the way he talks makes me want to cower in fear, and that is something _that_ guy couldn't have been able to do in a hundred years. So I kept my mouth shut and crossed my arms over my chest as I leaned my head on the seat belt. Wherever we're going, it looks pretty far considering how many miles we have passed since being on the university. I then looked up and noticed that we were getting near some fancy looking apartment buildings. Soon, my mind started messing with me and came up with ideas like he was going to do something freaky to me or was going to drop me off here and leave me to make my way back to my dorm.

My head cleared the moment I felt the car stop and saw that Ishida-san was getting out of the car. I also opened my door and got out. I looked around the other apartment buildings and then saw that Ishida-san was already walking away. I began to follow him as I held onto the strap of my bag. Where is he taking me?

We soon come to a stop in front of a door and he opens it the moment he inserted a key. He pushed the door open and I followed behind him, closing the door when I got inside. To say that the room wasn't expensive would be considered an insult! I looked around and saw that the whole room was not only big but it also had a staircase leading up to what I assume to be more rooms. Who ever lived here was filthy, stinkin', rich!

I looked over to Ishida-san and he headed up the staircase. I waited patiently on the white couch and couldn't bring myself to stop gazing at all the expensive equipment in the apartment. Sure everything was either white or blue but the money spent must have been a monster. I quickly stopped looking around as I heard footsteps coming back down the staircase. Ishida-san was caring what looked like a folder in his hand.

When he came to sit on the other couch across from me I couldn't help but ask. "Is this your home?"

He didn't look at me as he was flipping through some pages of the folder. "Yes it is."

My eyes widen and began to look around the room once again, but this time when I saw all that he had in the room, I began to see dollar signs everywhere. _He lives here! He's one rich motherfu-_

"Kurosaki-san, it would be better if you closed your mouth, it's quite disrespectful."

I looked back at him and scowled but I closed my mouth. I saw that he was still looking through the damn folder until he pulled something out which looked like a stack of papers. He placed the folder aside and folded the papers until he got to his required destination. "Kurosaki-san, you wish to become a doctor, correct?"

Wasn't it obvious? I do go to a medical university, even though remembering some of the stuff is hard, but I at least get it. "Yeah."

He pushed his glasses up and looked over to me. "Well, from these poor grades I don't know why you would want to become a doctor. You do know that some of the criteria requires' you to know everything about the human system and their functions which is something you barely passed the last time you were examined on it. Also, I wouldn't want to place the lives of my patients on someone who didn't know where to cut the required section of the body when making a transplant or stitching back a mortal wound."

My scowl deepened as I stared hard at the man before me. "So, what do you mean? That I can't become a doctor bec-"

"I'm simply saying that your ability to study seems to be lacking since you can't seem to remember what the immune system major role is. And if you haven't notice by now, but the medical field requires you to remember _all_ nine body systems not just five."

I turned my head away from the smart jackass. "So, I'll just study harder when the next exam comes around and-"

"No, I believe that won't cut it."

I bring my attention to him and scowl. "What do you mean "that won't cut it" are you saying that I can't study and memorize my criteria?"

Ishida-san pushed his glasses up again and crossed one leg over the other. "I'm saying that your ability to study by yourself is poor and that you need someone to help show you and keep watch of you until you understand it."

I rolled my eyes and sarcastically said, "oh, are you going to help me then?"

"Yes, yes I am."

My eyes widen and I looked over to the calm man with a bewildered look. He's joking right? He's just trying to make fun of me. "The hell you are! Look, you maybe the most well known doctor but _I_ don't need help from the likes of _you_!" I stood up and grabbed my bag, I didn't care if I had to walk miles to get back to my dorm I wouldn't stay here any longer with this bastard who simply enjoys making fun of me. I begin to walk away until as I hear his voice.

"There was another thing I forgot to mention," I kept walking, "you don't have a dorm room anymore."

I stopped and looked over to the man who was sitting like he didn't say anything at all. "Wh-what do you mean I don't have a dorm room? Is that some joke?"

Ishida-san stood up and glared at me. "Do I look like someone who jokes? I told you that I was going to teach you the criteria, so I told the principle that you no longer needed a room since you're going to have a _new_ place to stay."

"And where the hell am I supposed to stay!"

"Here."

I didn't say anything as I tried to comprehend what he just said. Me, stay here with-with _him_! This has to be some weird hallucination or a nightmare. I looked over to the man and saw that he wasn't joking at _all_. He had that stern look accompanied by that frown that I always see him with. Why?

"Because I made a promise to a friend."

I must have said that out loud but then what he said caught my attention. "What "friend" I didn't know you even had friends."

He pushed his glasses up and walked up the stairs. "There is a lot of things you don't know about me, but since you seem to be against my help let's make a deal," he looked down at me from his position of the stairs, "if I see that you are remarkable passing your exams with no more than one answer wrong then you are free to leave, but," I felt a cold chill go down my spine, "if you don't improve that much then you have no other choice but to stay here. So, I suggest you make yourself comfortable." He then went into a room and closed the door.

I stood still with my mouth slightly agape at what had just transpired. _I-I have to live here with him? _I looked around and there was one thing that came to mind: _I'm screwed._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thanks for putting this in alert and favoring it but I would like to know what you think of this so far, so please review!**


End file.
